It’s about 7 AM now and the caffeine is starting to kick in, but that post-sahur floatiness is still lingering. I’m looking at my hands, thinking about how they’ve spent a lot of times working with leather and silver, and it suddenly hit me, I’m turning 26 soon. Actually, it’s kind of wild. 26. It feels like this weird limbo year lol 😂. You’re not the impulsive 21-year-old anymore, but you’re also staring down the barrel of 30. And honestly? I’m terrified of the drift. I’ve been observing how people change as they get older and how some people just like lose their edge. They stop being curious, then start following whatever current is easiest, and they slowly become a diluted version of who they used to be. I’ll also be the first to admit it, yes I’m porous. I’m literally like a sponge for the energy of the room. If I’m around people who are loud and shallow, I feel myself getting noisy too. If I’m around arogansi atau budaya menjilat di kantor, it literally makes my skin crawl because I’m scared I’ll accidentally absorb some of that toxicity just by being in the same air. That’s why I’ve become so incredibly picky about my circle. It’s not about being elitist tho, it’s just that I know I need anchors. Yes I need people who are careful. Not just careful with their work, but careful with their souls. Lately, I’ve been gravitating towards people who have this sense of restraint. You know the type the ones who don't feel the need to fill every silence with empty words. The ones who are intellectually open but have this steel-trap self-control. I’m realizing that my greatest project right now isn't a new journal design or a charms collection. It’s the curation of my own environment. I want to be 30 and still be the guy who stops everything just to observe how the light hits a piece of moss. I want to keep that wonder alive, but I know I can’t do it if I’m constantly fighting the wrong currents. I’ve also noticed this protector instinct kicking in. I want to keep my world and my people safe. My family, my few close friends, the safe spaces I’ve built, I’m the one holding the master key. I choose who gets to walk through the foyer and who gets to see the inner archive. Maybe 26 is just the year I finally stop apologizing for having a filter. I don’t know if I’ll still be traveling solo at 30 or if I’ll be buried in work. But I do know that I want to be surrounded by deep water people. People who make me want to stay true to the principles I’ve worked so hard to define. The sun is officially up. The real work starts in about a few hours. But for now, I’m just enjoying the fact that I’m still here, still curious, and still very much in control of my own gates. Literally, that’s all I can ask for.